When people ask you how you are doing, you can always tell what answer they want to hear. If they say, “how are you, okay?” Then just tell them yes, you are doing okay. Your clue is at the end of their sentence. They are prompting you with the right answer. If someone says simply, “how are you?” Then you can give them the “real” answer.

I have found that many people just don’t know what to say to someone in crisis or grieving. The first step is to let them tell you the story. Ask “what happened?” Did someone squirt you with silly string???? Listen as they tell the story. When people have experienced any kind of trauma, they want to tell you what happened. Even if you are the twentieth person to ask. It helps them process the event.

All we can do is listen and acknowledge what happened. Instead of saying that must have been horrible, we can ask “what was that like for you?” Let them describe it. Our response is “I’m so sorry that happened.” “I’m sorry you are going through this. How can I help?”

Just having someone listen to their pain can be such a relief. The worst thing we can do is try to say something that we think may make them feel better. There are times when nothing anyone says can make us feel better. We just need to feel the pain and have people around us who can be in that space with us.

I was visiting a friend in the hospital and she told me she was dying of brain cancer. I violated my own pastoral rules and blurted out “Oh Donna, what can I do?” Obviously there was nothing to do but be present to her but I was desperate to “do” something. She was an amazing woman. She looked at me seeing my pain and said “you can give me hug.”

If we ask someone how they are doing, we should be willing to listen no matter what. After all, we are made in the image of God.

A body in motion stays in motion and we are meant to move. Walking or running can put us in a state where our internal censors are lowered and our true thoughts can bubble up to the surface. I think it’s because the oxygen from the blood is needed in our muscles and the brain can’t push down the thoughts we may be attempting to ignore. I have absolutely zero scientific evidence for this but I have experienced thoughts coming up when I’m out walking or running.

My dad died in May and it wasn’t until I was running through the woods in the fall that the grief finally came out. I had started to train again for a 10K. It was October, the leaves were breath taking and I was reveling in the fall air when my grief hit me like a ton of bricks.

Whenever I get stuck in a creative process like writing a sermon or thinking of something to write for a lenten meditation, I go for a run or a walk and some idea springs forth.

Our bodies were made to move. A doctor told me this. She said we were meant to be moving all the time because we come from hunters and gatherers. We had to move to collect our food.

I had gone to the doctor because I had bunions on my feet and they were making it hard to walk without pain. The doctor was my age and a runner. She gave some good advice. All of us will experience some kind of pain as we age. All we can do is manage the pain.

I was fortunate. It only took some corrective foot inserts to manage my pain.

The doctor also said, don’t stop moving. It’s hard to move again once you stop. A body at rest remains at rest. Although rest is important, we need to move. Movement helps us process, reflect, and allows what may be buried underneath to bubble up. Only then can it be healed.

We’ve been traveling around in an RV and every town we have visited in the past three weeks has a Publix Grocery Store. When I’m shopping I have to stop and think about where I am because all of the stores are laid out the same. I’ve commented about this to several Cashiers and they have told me that not all the stores are alike but I guess I have been lucky.

We pulled into a new town today that is 200 miles away from the last place and when I walked into Publix I knew where everything was. It didn’t take me long to shop and it was comforting to go into a place that was familiar. I’ve been in 8 different towns with 8 different Publix and I can walk to isle 4 and know exactly what I’ll find.

Just a few shorts weeks ago, when I was still at home, I walked into my grocery store and everything was in disarray. Why are they moving everything? I wondered. It was incredibly irritating. I thought, maybe I’m getting old but there is no need to change everything around. It took me much longer to shop and I couldn’t find a thing. When I asked an employee, they told me it was so that all of their stores would have the same layout and then people could shop at any store and be familiar with the location of their favorite item. Who needs that, I thought. Well, apparently I do!

This grocery store perspective made me realize that I can be narrow-minded when faced with an inconvenience. What about all those out-of-towners who have my grocery store at home? Maybe it helps them out when they are on the road.

When we are connected to God through prayer we may be better able to ask who is the change is serving? No matter what is happening, whatever irritation we might have, it’s good to stop and take a look at what is going on from another perspective.

We get stuck in our perspective, our own context, and when faced with change, we can’t always see what good it will do. The spiritual life is about opening up our perspective, letting go of judgment, and observing. This is the beginning of spiritual transformation.

A friend of mine is using her knitting gift to make Ukrainian flags that people can wear as pins. Symbols are incredibly important because they keep our level of awareness high.

We all know what the pink ribbon symbolizes. We see it and we think about breast cancer, we think about those we know who have endured it and those who died from it. The pink ribbon is a reminder that there is work to be done. People are still suffering and dying from breast cancer. Seeing the pink ribbon may remind us to make a donation to the breast cancer foundation.

These knitted Ukrainian flags do the same thing. They are a reminder that over half the children in Ukraine have been displaced, that people are suffering, and dying needlessly. Right now there is a high level of awareness of the suffering but as time goes on and another news story hits the wires, the sense of urgency about Ukraine could wane. This symbol can help keep our attention from wandering and remind us to take some kind of action.

I have worked with Rural and MIgrant Ministry for almost twenty years as a volunteer. This organization has helped migrant workers work to advocate for farmworker rights, worked with migrant youth on leadership skills, and helped rural women become healthy and independent. Apples are a 2 billion dollar industry in upstate NY and those who pick the apples work long hours for next to nothing. They live in fear of being deported and are desperate to help their children find a pathway to citizenship.

Everyone enjoys their favorite apples from New York but we forget about the suffering of those who pick them. I’m working to raise money for RMM and seeing the Ukrainian flag has reminded me that symbols help to raise our level of awareness and spur us to action. Isn’t that why I wear this gold cross around my neck?

There have been countless people who have made pink ribbons, purple ribbons, flags, crosses, poppies, and other symbols to create awareness of situations that need our attention. Let us not forget.

For more information on Rural and MIgrant Ministry go here:

http://ruralmigrantministry.org/

Lent is a good time to intentionally slow down. I don’t mean slowing down because you’re stuck in traffic, I mean choosing to find some time to leave the traffic behind. Many of us operate at a frenetic pace. We have to go from one thing to another to get it all done. This is especially true of families with young children. Children are a 7/24 responsibility.

What most of us call “downtime” is essential for our mental and spiritual health. Jesus withdrew from the crowds in order to pray and recover.

Mark 1:35. It was very early in the morning and still dark. Jesus got up and left the house. He went to a place where he could be alone. There he prayed.

Luke 5:16.  But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

When we give ourselves the gift of withdrawing, stopping our frenetic pace to sit down and just stop, we can finally connect with God. For those of us who no longer have the responsibility of young children, we can give that gift to parents. We can offer to be with children even for just a 30 minute period. Any time period can be refreshing.

How do we slow ourselves down? How can we help others let go and relax? How can we give each other those Jesus moments?

The Jesus prayer is “Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me.” That’s it. One sentence. The long version is “Lord Jesus Christ, son of David, have mercy on me.” This prayer is meant to be repeated without ceasing day in and day out. Eventually, the prayer says itself. I knew a monk who recorded himself saying the prayer and then listened to himself using headphones while he mowed the lawn at the monastery. After ten years, he said the prayer would be in his head when he woke up.

It’s hard to imagine being able to pray without ceasing. We would have to be like the monk and devote our lives to it. I try to say the prayer as often as possible. It raises my level of awareness about being in God’s presence and needing mercy. We humans need mercy. We need it from God and we need it from each other.

I find asking for mercy makes me more merciful. I think of all the stories about Jesus being merciful, about how he was in the world, and I’m grateful that we have this human expression of God’s love to hang on to. It gives me hope that we can work toward a more loving world.

This Jesus prayer should come with a warning. If you practice it, say it over and over and over, it will transform you.

Romans 8: 26-28 (Translation The Message)

“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”

I recently started reading “The Message” translation of the Bible. At first, I thought it was a paraphrase of the original Hebrew and Greek and not very accurate but I was wrong. This translation was written by Rev. Eugene Petersen in words that he felt better reflected the original intent of the Hebrew and Greek. Scholars have said it is accurate and faithful to the original.

I find it mind-bending. Passages that I have looked at for years are broken open to me in this particular translation.

Paul’s letter to the Romans is one of the most important books in the Bible for understanding Christian Theology. It is also one of the most difficult to understand. Reread the translation above. Now read the NRSV (New Revised Standard Version below)

Romans 8: 26-28 (Translation New Revised Standard Version)

²⁶ Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes^[q] with sighs too deep for words. ²⁷ And God,^[r] who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit^[s] intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.^[t]

I must confess, one of my favorite lines is “that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words” but I get the translation from the message on a visceral level. If we don’t know what to pray, it doesn’t matter because he does our praying for us. All we need to do is ask for help even when we have no idea what to pray for!

God is always working for the good. It’s not up to us. We do what we are called to do and have faith that the love of God is working with us.

We don’t have to worry because God knows us better than we know ourselves. Trust God and everything will be well.

Psalm 42:3  Send out your light and your truth; they shall be my guide, to lead me to your holy mountain to the place where you dwell.

Light is necessary for growth. We all learned about photosynthesis in school. It’s the light that feeds the plants that creates oxygen for the rest of us.

The psalmist asks God to send out your light and your truth. God’s light is all around us showing the truth of what is happening in the world. The images coming from Ukraine are heart-stopping. I wonder how it is possible for this to keep happening. Perhaps the generation who lived through World War II just shake their heads.

I walk through my day aware of the conflict but not experiencing any real change except for the knowledge that this is happening and people are suffering.

We can make decisions to send financial support through vetted charities. We can lament what is happening. We can reinvigorate ourselves to fight the inequities we find in our own country, racism, and poverty. We can make sure we do our due diligence on the people we decide to vote for and we can make sure we do what is needed to keep our democracy alive.

It is the unnecessary destruction that is so disturbing.

God is present everywhere. We are on the Holy Moutain. We just need to be aware of the presence, of the light that helps us grow, and the truth that shall set us free. In the end, love will win.

Being present to another person is one of the greatest gifts we can give especially in the age of distraction. I found it difficult as a young mother to give the kind of attention to my children that I give to my grandchildren. I had a thousand things on my mind back then – grocery shopping, laundry, a demanding job, managing money, and more. Today, I am retired and I can just give all of my attention to the grandchildren.

Today there are even more available distractions. How many times have you walked into a restaurant and seen all four people at a table looking down at their phones? At the risk of sounding like my grandmother, how can they do that? What could be more important than the people you are with?

Active listening is powerful. There is no better feeling than knowing that you have been heard and understood. So often in conversations, we may express something that is deeply meaningful and expect some kind of acknowledgment but our conversation partner has already moved on to their topic. This can cause us not to acknowledge whatever they are talking about and both parties end up frustrated.

I’ve been guilty of thinking more about what I want to say next rather than really listening. I had to work hard to stop that habit. It was well worth it. I learn a lot by listening to others. Listening has helped me deepen my relationships. I still have to make an effort when I start a conversation to slow myself down and be present.

Choosing to be available to another person is one of my being goals. I try to do this in every interaction. This is not always possible, but I work hard at being available to those relationships most important to me.